Showing posts with label 2011 The Bad 8. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2011 The Bad 8. Show all posts
Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 8 - Nissan Versa Sedan


NISSAN VERSA SEDAN


Now with a longstanding tradition of badness, the Nissan Versa sedan is in its fourth year as a member of The Bad 8. "Hear the engine drone," was the text in 2008. "It's as dull as December 27th local news," 2009's Bad 8 said. And last year? Alternatives were said to include a bicycle built for four.

What more can be said to disparage the Nissan Versa sedan in hopes that Nissan banishes it from showrooms across North America? An assault on the Versa's design starts things off. Indeed, the Versa doesn't actually suffer from bad styling - it has no style to speak of. So utterly forgettable, the Versa sedan is an insult to the rest of the car design world, to people who put effort into making something look as good as the Nissan 370Z. Yep, the 370Z is linked consanguineously to the dreadful Nissan Versa sedan.  

Good news, you might think, is found in the 2011 Nissan Versa sedan's MSRP. At $9900 in the USA, the Versa is priced low but, quite startlingly, has no stereo and no mirrors on the visor. You can take a guess as to what else is missing from the Nissan Versa Sedan 1.6 Base. It has the word "Base" right there in its name. Worse than its lack of features, perhaps even worse than its exceptionally terrible design, is the Versa's wooden ride, its annoyingly ineffective powerplant, and its hateful transmission. Bad has found a home.

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Alternatives: Piaggio MP3 400, Fiat 500, saving up for the Nissan Juke, waiting for the 2012 Hyundai Accent,

Base USD/CAD Price: $9990 / $12,698

Improvements Required: There's no longer truth to the suggestion that small cars can't look good. The 2011 Hyundai Elantra is curvaceously spectacular. The 2012 Ford Focus is clean and cool. The new-to-North America Fiat 500 is classy and chic. If Nissan must sell a sedan version of the Versa - as Ford feels it must with the otherwise handsome Fiesta - they could try and create something that wouldn't be an embarrassment to the brand.

Historical Significance: Apart from the fact that the Nissan Versa sedan has appeared in every version of The Bad 8, this car is insignificant at best.


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The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 7 - Nissan LEAF


NISSAN LEAF


Over the course of more than a hundred years, North American culture has adopted the notion that you can be anywhere on this continent in a matter of hours simply by turning the key. The all-electric Nissan LEAF brings about a flurry of technology and arrives at a time when governments the world over are attempting to kickstart electric transportation. But the LEAF expressly forbids you from travelling anywhere and everywhere. Instead, Nissan LEAFs (Leaves? LEAVEs?) force owners to accept the notion that what you'll see in the next 75 miles (120 km) is... enough. Furthermore, the 2011 Nissan LEAF can't go as far in cold weather and its range will be severely curtailed if you're giving the go-pedal an extra workout.

This should be okay with us, we're told. Our gasoline-powered cars offer limited range of motion, too. But when we stop, we need only stop for a few minutes. Nissan LEAF owners will require somewhere between 7-20 hours unless they shell out for a home charger which, remember, will only work at home. Nissan is trying to tell us that 70% of people drive less than 40 miles per day. What Nissan should tell us, but fails to accurately make clear, is that most drives are shorter than 40 miles. C'mon, don't the vast majority of car owners drive more than 75 miles in between potential charges with some frequency? The Tucson-to-Nogales drug run can't even be completed in a morning drive.

Go ahead and strip the LEAF's lack of drug-running capability from the proceedings. GoodCarBadCar.net's case against the LEAF still includes its lamentable exterior design. The GM EV1 looked sort of awesome, remember? Why shouldn't an unusual car look amazing? The 2011 Nissan LEAF is also tremendously overpriced for such a limited-use vehicle - those rebates won't last forever (but may last until prices of high-tech pieces come down). The LEAF's limitations are all the more frustrating because, in truth, the LEAF isn't slow, boring, or found wanting inside. In fact, the technology represented by the Nissan LEAF is exciting. LEAFs lay out abundant evidence supporting a good future for electrified transportation: full torque from idle, cheap to fuel, less maintenance, amazingly quiet. An electric future is the kind of future GoodCarBadCar.net would be excited about.

Unfortunately, Nissan failed to execute on the electric car's prospective greatness and produced the LEAF as an impressive theory gone awry. Like, where's the progress, dude? The EV1 of the 90s was similarly quick, could be charged in a similar amount of time, and could travel a similar distance. 

LEAF blowers point to its European Car Of The Year victory, but that was a joke. The Nissan LEAF shouldn't be taken too seriously either; at least not yet. LEAF blowers also offer up an array of excuses on behalf of the LEAF's limitations. Good vehicles, however, require no excuses.

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Alternatives: Chevrolet Volt, Nissan Juke, Fiat 500, riding the Appaloosa

Base USD/CAD Price: $32,780 / est. $36,000 (excluding government rebates)

Improvements Required: It's hard to say exactly what type of range improvement would make GoodCarBadCar.net happy. The more miles the merrier. Surely a revised exterior would be of assistance as would a lower price. That said, John Voelcker pointed out that, if you're a Sony employee in California's central valley, the Nissan LEAF could cost as little as $12,280. At that price, the LEAF approaches Good 12-levels of credibility.

Historical Signficance: As the first potentially mass-market electric car on sale in North America since the GM EV1 (Who Killed The Electric Car?), the LEAF is hugely significant. Nissan, however, timed the LEAF to go on sale with the 2011 Chevrolet Volt. This idea was either brilliant or terrible. We may not know the impact of the decision for a decade or more.
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The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 6 - Lincoln MKT


LINCOLN MKT


The Lincoln MKT is one of the planet's only vehicles, if not the only vehicle, with a cold. You know the kind: gradually appearing symptoms, sore throat, mild chest discomfort, plenty of sneezing, a batch of sinus pain, and a terrible runny nose.

Of course, the Lincoln's focus is on the nasal passageway. But first, look at its horrible posture above the rear wheel. MKT has a cold, it's tired, it can't stand up the way vehicles were meant to stand up. Those full-width taillamps are big so you can hear the MKT telling you, "Stay away, you don't want to catch this cold." Dual exhausts are simply more orifices through which germs can flow. 

At any rate, the main problem is that detestable nose. Last year, GoodCarBadCar.net identified the ideal buyer of the 2010 Lincoln MKT as a small-nosed person who's trying to make up for their nasally-challenged status with their choice of vehicle. Yet each extra MKT appearing on North American roads manages to shine a light on the MKT's medical problem. That's not just a snout, it's a snout that only happens to be shaped this way because the MKT's sinuses are clogged. 

We all know what happens when sinuses are clogged.... that's right, the nose starts running and the Lincoln MKT is forced to scamper madly off in all directions looking for a kleenex. No otherwise-decent vehicle should be designed with such an embarrassingly aberrant element.

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Alternatives: Buick Enclave, Ford Flex, golfing in socks and sandals.

Base USD/CAD Price: $44,200 / $51,500

Improvements Required: There are numerous aspects of the MKT that need changing, but a simple nose job could cure many an ill. Take the Ford Flex, as an example. Sharing a platform with the MKT, the Flex has a squared-off front end that masks the vehicle's gargantuan dimensions.

Historical Significance: Lincoln hit the nail on the proverbial head in 1997 with the Navigator, a full-size SUV based on Ford's pickups, just like the Expedition. Who knew luxury car customers would be so interested in gigantic sport-utility vehicles? Not Cadillac, that's for sure. Time has passed, the Lincoln Navigator isn't as popular as it once was. It still sports a cleaner look than the newer big Lincoln and is out-selling the MKT in America, as well.

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The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 5 - Lexus HS250h


LEXUS HS250h


Absurdly popular, the Toyota Corolla is not one of GoodCarBadCar.net's favourite cars. Corollas are vanilla, and not the scrumptuous Cows kind of vanilla many hold dear. There's nothing exciting about the Corolla; nothing attractive or enticing. 

Imagine if the Corolla's price suddenly doubled. All too quickly, the Corolla becomes an overpriced compact. Perhaps a gain in fuel efficiency would make up for some of the cost increase, as would the enjoyment of added features. However, for some reason, with increased costs came - for some reason - liberally spattered ugliness and a painful driving experience where dull styling and emotionless dynamics once resided. 

True, the 2011 Lexus HS250h isn't just a Corolla hybrid with adjusted styling and a higher price. Yet, in Lexus's lineup, the HS250h sits in an equivalent position. Rather than tempting buyers with terrific design or next-generation technology or otherworldly efficiency, Lexus wants to market the HS250h to you on the merit of its second h, the h which stands for hybrid. It's a luxury car, and it's a hybrid, they say. Want ye more? Yes, we do want more, because the HS250h is a very poor luxury car and at just 34 highway miles per gallon, not a very good hybrid.

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Alternatives: Infiniti G25, Lexus IS250, acting like your body possesses at least half an ounce of testosterone and enough brain matter to form financially reasonable conclusions.

Base USD/CAD Price: $34,650 / $39,900

Improvements Required: Act as though the HS250h never happened. If Lexus wants hybrids in the smaller luxury car sector, stick with the CT200h and make available a hybrid version of the rear-wheel drive Lexus IS sports sedan.

Historical Significance: With the HS, Toyota thought they could apply the same fortunes to Lexus as the parent company received from the Prius. Available exclusively as a gas-electric hybrid, the HS250h became the fourth hybrid Lexus brought to market. The 2011 Lexus CT200h is more suited to grabbing the luxury car buyer who yearns for the environmentally-friendly image.
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The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 4 - Honda Accord Crosstour


HONDA ACCORD CROSSTOUR

There are very few automakers in existence which haven't produced at least one jaw-droppingly impressive design. Consider the Toyota 2000GT, Chrysler Airflow, and Honda S600 as examples of greatness by companies which have been a little off the mark of late. A little? In Honda's case, the Accord Crosstour marks a diversion onto a path too-often travelled these days. The second-generation Insight is homely, the CR-Z is good but should've been a lot better, and the Pilot is boxy in every bad sense of the word. 

Ah, but the Honda Accord Crosstour is set apart by its horriawful proportions and lack of attention to detail. And Honda wants you to pay dearly for the dishonour of owning such a vehicle. There is a theory circulating at GCBC Towers which says the Accord Crosstour's price may be a secretive reverse pricing strategy - $29,670 is what Honda pays you to take an Accord Crosstour off their hands. They'd need to, there's no way you'd take anything less than $20,000 to be seen in such an offensive machine.

It's not as though the 2011 Honda Accord Crosstour makes up for its misshapen exterior with a wicked driving experience or a best-in-class interior. In fact, Crosstour interiors are full of almost as many buttons as its exterior has styling demerits. There's no need for ugliness in 2011's automotive market for there are too many handsome alternatives to even consider the Honda Accord Crosstour worthy of a place in serious vehicular discussions.

Alternatives: Toyota Venza, Infiniti G25, Acura TSX Sport Wagon, spending half a day at NSCAD to gain half a clue about design.

Base USD/CAD Price: $29,670 / $34,900

Improvements Required: It's hard to know for sure without Photoshop expertise, but imagine how much better the Crosstour would be if Honda simply stretched the roofline to form a traditional wagon silhouette. Then shrink the grille. Lower the headlights half an inch. Decrease the rear fender bulge. Drop a couple hundred pounds. Add the Accord's 4-cylinder option so the price could drop a few thousand bucks.

Historical Significance: 1991 saw Honda debut the Accord Wagon, a glassy extended-roof version of the increasingly successful Accord sedan. Buyers were scarce. For an Accord, the next-gen wagon was a bit of an oddball, but it remained an effective hauler of family and goods. Europe's Honda Accord, a different car, is North America's Acura TSX. The 2011 Acura TSX Sport Wagon is a semi-accurate picture of what American Honda could do for their sub-luxury division if they - and the market - so desired.
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The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 3 - BMW X6


BMW X6


If there is a symbol for everything that's wrong about excess in the automotive world, the BMW X6 is it. The BMW X6 is an overweight machine with overwrought styling and an overeagerness to be "sporty". 

Why go ugly and impractical when you could have a 2011 Porsche Cayenne? Why challenge everything that is completely understood by chassis engineers at McLaren, Ferrari, and Lotus by fitting the X6 with enough unsprung weight to hold a crime family under the Hudson? Why delve deeper into ever-expanding niches to find the limits of desirability when time and money could be spent improving the BMW M3's brakes and stripping weight out of the BMW 135i? Why oh why oh why?

To fully explain the BMW X6's styling catastrophes would be to write a book called What Not To Draw. Expunging the myth that the BMW X6 is worth being seen in is as easy as staring at it for more than a couple initially presence-filled impactful seconds. There is so much wrong with this vehicle, and the wrongs aren't the kind of wrongs you set aside because its wheels are gorgeous or its powertrain is magical. The BMW X6's wrongs are halfway to criminal.

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Alternatives: Porsche Cayenne, BMW X5, drunk dialing.

Base USD/CAD Price: $57,000 / $65,700

Improvements Required: Could we just forget the BMW X6 ever happened? We could, almost. BMW hardly sells any of'em, and the X5 could easily take over the X6's marketplace position, just like it had been doing quite nicely for a decade before the X6 came along.

Historical Significance: BMW introduced the X5, their first SUV (or SAV as they like to say) in the late 90s. It was controversial, not entirely unexpected, and wonderfully successful. A decade later, BMW thought they'd go for totally unexpected, terribly unsuccessful, and completely controversial. 
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The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 2 - BMW 5-Series GT


BMW 5-SERIES GRAN TURISMO


Did we ask for this? Were letters secretly sent to BMW by citizens unwilling to publicize their desires? Are there people who have a fetish for awkwardly-shaped, overweight BMWs? GoodCarBadCar.net tries not to disparage vehicles which put up low sales figures because, after all, some enthusiast-oriented cars also sell poorly. Still, it must be noted, not a single BMW 5-Series Gran Turismo has ever been spotted in the wild by The Good Car Guy. 

Yes, the 2011 BMW 5-Series GT is really ugly, the kind of ugly you'd expect to see when attempts are made by really good car designers to make fun of bad car designers by doodling on an airport bar-supplied napkin. An exhaustive list of this BMW's style problems could fill large books, but to mention a few is the duty of GoodCarBadCar.net, at least when punishing an automaker with Bad 8 placement. 

So here goes. The 5-Series GT's nose is too blunt. Its headlights sit too high. Its ride height is the automotive equivalent of Cozmo Kramer's pants. The character line running under the doorhandles should disguise height but manages to embellish the Gran Turismo's slab-sidedness. The intersection of C-pillar, rear wheelarch, and taillamps is, when viewed from the rear or rear three-quarter, the sort of thing nightmares are made of.

Besides, even without the style problems, the 5-Series Gran Turismo's name makes it sound like this should look as good as the Aston Martin Rapide. Instead, it's an ugly duckling with a huge pricetag, some $6400 USD above the equivalent 5-Series sedan.

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Alternatives: Cadillac CTS Sport Wagon, Porsche Cayenne, wear your Bluetooth headset while getting groceries.

Base USD/CAD Price: $56,000 / $69,900

Improvements Required: There's nothing BMW needs to do to make the 5-Series GT better. Simply banish the vehicle from memory and replace the 5-Series Gran Turismo with the 5-Series Touring.

Historical Significance: The 5-Series Gran Turismo is built by the same company which brought us the gorgeous BMW Z8 and classy BMW 2002tii and currently brings us the divine little BMW Z4. Oh, how the mighty fall every now and then.
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The Bad 8 v4.0 Part 1 - Acura ZDX


ACURA ZDX


The Acura ZDX, like most Acuras and many other luxury cars available today, has a really stupid name. ZDX means nothing. We can't really hold this against the ZDX because, as mentioned before, even some Good 12 winners have stupid names. It's still worth pointing out, however, that this stupid vehicle uses unspeakably misaligned nomenclature.

Far worse than the ZDX's tri-lettered name is its design. Acura made the ZDX bulbous where it shouldn't have been, concave where it should have been convex, and angular where smoothness was e-freaking-ssential. See how high the hood curves from one fender to the other with its highest peak right at the base of a steeply raked windshield? This is hard to accomplish on any vehicle, let alone a low-slung, high-riding crossover/SUV. The acres of space between the rear wheel and greenhouse is probably the worst slab-sided piece of metal on any current car; creating this weird optical illusion which causes the rear wheel to appear smaller than the front.

Acura continues this assault on the eyes. The ZDX's grille is just like the grille on other Acuras, but of course it looks worse here because the disgusting face is joined to a thoroughly awkward body. Those twin inlets beneath the grille are intended to mimic the shape of the headlights. Instead, they make the Acura ZDX look like a cross-eyed kid with a runny nose. 

Is style the Acura ZDX's only problem? No, not in the least. The ZDX costs more than the roomier, better-looking Acura MDX. Much of what's good about the MDX is taken away, and Acura expects you to pay for the restrictions they've placed on the ZDX. No thanks.

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Alternatives: Audi Q5, Acura MDX, picking your nose in public, or wearing leather pants.

Base USD/CAD Price: $45,495 / $55,990

Improvements Required: Not every SUV/CUV needs to be capacious. The ZDX can stay small inside and still make gains in desirability. But the ZDX is most nonsensical because it's ugly, small, and expensive. How 'bout maintaining the small, keeping the sportyishness, and making the price justifiable by building a beautiful 2012 Acura ZDX?

Historical Significance: The Acura ZDX is not as bad as the Pontiac Aztek.

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