THE GOOD 12 v3.0 GONE BAD - MINI COOPER

Stretching the boundaries of what it means to be a Good 12-winning car Gone Bad, the car mentioned here isn't actually a member of The Good 12 v3.0. Instead, this is an example of the breed; an unfortunate evolution of the species.

Even the cute little Mini Cooper can turn in to something undesirable. As a stretched edition, the Mini Cooper Clubman is maybe cute, but only in the "That baby's so ugly it's cute" kind of way. Add Sparkling Silver paint - which doesn't sparkle one bit - and a clashtastic silver shade on the mirrors and roof, and the Clubman is downright egregious. Oh, but it gets worse. Much, much worse.

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In S form, the Mini Clubman comes with standard 16" S-Winder wheels. They're not cool. Hundred-dollar silver bonnet stripes further the bad taste. Get rid of the S-Winders with black web-spoke wheels in the $1,750 sport package, on top of the $1,750 premium package. The black wheels do nothing for the dirty silver finish on the rest of the car. A really awful aero kit, especially when seen in this colour, works in tandem with a sport suspension and other sportific goodies to jack the price in to the stratosphere. But we're not done.

Hot chocolate leather? English Oak? Navigation? Sirius and hi-def radio? Deemed necessary to the OTT buyer. John Cooper Works parts add thousands of dollars to the price tag. $599 checkered floor mats? Oh, please. Slather on the Union Jack treatment: mirrors, door handles, vents.

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The $24,050 base price for the Mini Cooper S Clubman is on the verge of doubling when I slow down. There's more on the accessories list, but I'm nauseated. $4,453 in accessories is enough. The cash register rings in at $42,703 for an ugly silvery-beige wagon-like hatchback with enough performance to give Porsche 911 drivers a run for their money. The model so beloved by The Good Car Guy? Yes, that regular Mini Cooper is a $19,500 car, less than half the price of the turbocharged Clubman, and way more than half the car. There is a way to make a very good thing a very bad thing, indeed.